Looking back

I found these earlier today and thought I would post them. Christmas 2006

Marissa wanted a Leg and Anthony told her that she then would need to eat it. lol.

Dev is having NOO problems with his Leg

Marissa put on some of her make-up

Merry Christmas Zach

Giving Thanks

I love Thanksgiving. I think that it is my favorite holiday. I love that we can get together as a family and think back over the last year and be appreciative. So many things happen in my life that I take for granted, that I really need to sit down and be apprecative.

I am going to give a HUGE Thank you to my Heavenly Father. I know that he loves me continually and unconditionally. He is always there for me and I know that he won't give me anything to big to handle.
Thanks to my Heavenly father for looking after me during my pregnancy. I was able to carry my little one to term with no complications.
Thanks to my sister. Jennifer has been an amazing example to me, over the last year I feel that we have grown so close. I am so happy that we have the relationship that we do.


There is much much more that I can write, but I am going to leave it at this. I love my family, immediate and extended, so much. I miss you all so much and wish that we were able to spend more time together. I hope that everyone is able to enjoy their Thanksgiving and know that you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

WOW that was a lot

Of posts. Sorry I don't blog as much as I should, but I get so tired when I have a moment. So, I am done, I am going to sleep....

Tomorrow is Jades Birthday Party and we sent out all the invitations, but NO ONE RSVP. We also didn't get any calls saying no one was coming. So we have NO clue how many kids will show up....

I am excited for the Costco Cake..YUMMY. We also are getting pizza from there..YUMMY.

What I am thankful for:

1. Sean recognized that I will have a stressful time with the boys, dog, house all by myself. That is major.

2. My breast pump. LOL.. I know this is silly, but the baby slept for 5 hours today and I was dying when we finally got home and he was done eating.

3. The Missionaries. They are a Little over bearing at times, but their intentions are so true and the faith that radiates from them, its hard not to take something away every time they stop by.

Six Weeks

I had my six week postpartum appointment today and I am so glad to be done with the midwifes. Going today reminded why I didn't enjoy them. The first thing she said was my picture was horrible. I looked at her and was like, I was 10w p.g. and felt like crap and didn't know I was getting a picture taken...thnx.

She thought that our idea of not being terribly interested in birth control was ridiculous. She even asked if we were planing in having a Mormon family..I was like we want one maybe two more and she told us that we really aren't the age to start having a huge family. WHAT.. AHH Is our this is none of your business. I THINK NOT.

But given out current financial situation and I am not to sure what will happen with our insurance and I suck at taking a daily pill, I am going to get Mariana put in. I go in on Monday. OH AND THEN, she comes out when I was making the appointment and told Sean that we were to abstained from intercourse until I was on something. The lady booking the appointment looks at me and was like how does Monday sound. I wanted to say, you know I just changed my mind I won't be needing any birth control.

But other then her having her opinion, the appointment went well. She said that everything looks great and thinks my stretch marks will fade and go away with time. I am cleared to do some light non bouncy workouts. WHOO HOOO....errr....No more excuses for me.

Test.

I had to take a Neuro syphic test last Monday and it was 5 hours long. I made sure I left plenty of milk for the baby since I wasn't sure how long I was going to be. I don't know if the baby was truly hungry or fussy since Sean gets tense, but they went through all the milk. So now I have to work up more of a supply. But I was really proud of him because his mom lives down the street and he didn't go over there. He was a superstar.

The test was not a fun time. I felt like a moron when I left. These are the test I took:

1. build the picture with the matching blocks. I did the first one and that was it out of 5 pictures. I don't know if they were hard or if I am just retarded.

2. listen to a story and tell all the facts right after, 3o mins later and then an hour later.

3. Hear several lists of items and then repeat the list 5x and then 30 mins later.

4. Tell the relationship between several items...i.e. what do apples and bananas have in common? you say, fruit. I couldn't figure out what a Tree and a Fly have in common....Anyone have any ideas?

5. Look at a picture and tell what is wrong. RETARDED. There was a leaf, a man in a mirror and another one I couldn't figure out.

6. look at 50 pictures and then look at comparison and say if they were in the original 50.

7. Look at a picture and then draw it. There was 5 pictures that I had to remember. At the very end, I had to say what picture was the one I was supposed to draw.....LOL....I wasn't even close on a few of these.

and then

a 400 question personality test. AHHH.... at this point, I knew Sean was pulling his hair out and answering all these stupid questions was so aggravating.

I haven't got the results back yet and I don't think I will until Dec. I am anxious to see what it will say since the our case sorta rests with this. I know that I am different since the accident and it isn't fair that this test will weigh so heavenly. Expescialy since I hadn't ever done a test like this prior to my accident, so how do you prove I am different?

Job Offers

As everyone knows, Sean has been unemployed since mid Aug. We have been waiting on military orders to start and he hadn't applied to civilian jobs because he didn't think it would take this long. WELL...he finally applied to several jobs and he has heard back from two.

A. Site Security Manager for Microsoft (we would move to BFE)

B. Customs, Boarder Patrol (eventually we would relocate, but no idea where)

C. And of course the Military doing ADSW orders for a year will start 1 Dec. (with relo to Yakima, three hours away)

Option "A" he is setting up his interview next week and probably won't find out anything until Dec. We can't afford for us to relocate at this time and there isn't anyway for him to go by himself, unless they pay for us to move.

Option "B" Sean takes the test Dec 8th. So that will be a waiting game to see if he passed all the tests and wait. But this is what he ultimately wants to do, so it is exciting to see what he needs to do or qualifies right now for. He thinks there is an Academy type training that he will have to go to, but hey if it involves me not moving, sign me up.

Option "C" is exactly what he did last year from Oct to July. The military pays really really good and the pay raise this year is 15%. We would move out there as soon as we can afford it. It would probably be the first part of March. He will be able to stay in the Barracks until we move out there.

WHAT I AM HOPING:

I am hoping that Sean goes to Yakima in Dec. He also takes the test on the 8th. He will continue to work our there until he find outs all the details for Option B. I really don't like the thought of moving again and taking Jade out of school. We really like his Elementary School and I LOVE my ward. I have friends finally and things are getting easier (minus ALL the financial problems) With option C, who knows if in a year when the orders are up what will happen. Sean is convinced that it is guaranteed work, but I am tired of all the unemployment and being at the needs of the Army.

WHY WE ARE WHERE WE ARE:

This is the most frusterating thing for us. Sean was supposed to deploy with his unit back in Aug. But becuase the G.A.L. (gaurdiam Al' Ludem) was going to appoint custody back to Jades mom if he left, his Unit let him stay behind. With that double edge sword, she also said that he was to only work a job that he came home every night. So, if he were to work outside a daily communting distance, Stephanie would get custody. With all of these stipulations, she was concerned he wouldn't find work. Kinda like she wanted him to fail.

But we have faith that all of this will come to an end soon and it will all work out the way it needs to.

What is my deal?

Ugh....I have been so completely stressed this last week that I am not thinking clearly. I noticed it when I told an elderly lady at the library that she needed to change the clock. The clock in the room they were using for voting hadn't been changed. I didn't mean she had to change it, but someone that worked there should. I didn't realize how it came out until sean told me it was rude.
I have lost two debit cards for our accounts. So we can't access money unless we go to the branches, which the closest Wells is like 15 mins away...I just had it on sat, AHHHH. The key bank one I think is in the car, which brings us to
I locked BOTH sets of keys in the car. Mine are in the diaper bag, which stays in the car and I thought I put seans set in the grocery bag, locked the doors and tonight realized what I did.....Sean was/is so mad his keys are sitting in the center concil.. We ended up having to take seans car to his parents....
Then I left my cell phone at his parents....His mom called and said she would drop it off tomorrow....
My nureosphyc appoitment is on Monday and I am so nervous. I am not sure why. If there is something perminantly wrong with me, we will know. It's kinda like I am about to take a test that I can't study for and am afaid that I am going to fail.....hmm...I know that I am not right and it all goes back to the head injury, I know it.... We will see.

Kuwait/Iraq 2004

We got the warning order for deployment in Oct 2003. I had just gotten home from basic training and my family had all moved back to california. I stayed with my cousin Nicole until we left 10 Dec. Nice birthday present...UGH.

We spent the next three months in Colorado Springs, CO. While we were there we did all sorts of training, One of the funnest, was Gamble and Lopez got married and Thai and I were maids of honor.

.

Predeployment was pretty uneventful. Lots of snow, miserable training and LOTS of hanging out off post. We loved going to the movies as much as possible.

Once we got to Kuwait, Thai and I shared a wearhouse with about 90 other females. Within a month, we moved to our 2 person rooms. It was wonderful. We had cable, fridge, a door and a ceiling, YES i said ceiling. It didn't take long before Sean thought it was his room. It wasn't cooking that took his heart, it was the cable and freezer. LOL.

I worked in the Finance office as a teller. Much like you would go to the bank to get an advance or cash checks. We also took deposits from: post office, the PX (store), Chaplin. There was four tellers, but three worked at a time. Our booths were really boring, so of course Thai, Thurston and I figured out ways to entertain ourselves. Once when the L.T was gone, we made a movie. We even figured out how to open the windows between all the booths. All of which we got in LOTs of trouble for. Speaking of trouble, Thai and I were constantly butting heads with our boss and getting written up for the most outlandish stuff. IT WAS HORRIBLE...

So the first chance I got, I was out. I was "promoted" if you will to quality control. It was me and Smith. It was fun. I had several oppertunities for travel.

That is how I landed in Iraq. I was up there for a month almost two. The first oppertunity that I got to fly in a Blackhawke, the doors were open and I feel asleep. WELL, I woke up in the middle of a heart attack. The gunner decided he was bored and shot off several rounds down into the dessert below us. Thanks for the warning guy.

I landed in the Green Zone, Baghdad. It was a lot like any major city. Given any other curcicumstance it was a gorgous city. BUT, the minute we landed, we were rushed to safety. Appearently there was a car bomb in our parking lot. I called my Commander and told him to come and get me. Well no luck for me. I voluntered for this mission and I was the only soldier and couldn't come back. (I was setting up all the finance systems for Iraq. Me and the guys who wrote the system. It was a GREAT oppertunity.)

This is me infront of the Finance office in Baghdad. FUNNY story. Right after I took this picture, I set my bag, riffle and helmet down to continue the pictures. Little did I remember that I was in fact in a WAR ZONE. I missle missed me by a few yards. I took off and ran inside the "safety" of the office realizing I didn't have any of my gear. Hmmm...Nice job SPC Bailey....

I at that point was completely done with Iraq and ready to return to Camp Doha, Kuwait. I missed being so compelely spoiled. But nope, Off to LSA Anaconda. Which at first glance, wasn't bad. I wish wish wish, the pictures where on the computer. I couldn't explain my living situation to give it justice. But...It was a tent.... me myself and I all alone in this little tent. It was pretty scary I have to admit. Camp ananconda was known as morterville. It was constantly getting attacked by explosives of all kinds. I know this is the place that has made me a little nervous of loud unexplained noises. I hate fireworks....

I then went down to Talil and got to see the house of Abraham. Well...The ruins of his home. Southern Iraq is what the Bible calls the land or Or. That was great. Way to much info to write, but I would love to talk about it.

This camp I was at for a week. The first day, I was showering and my boots were stolen. That was GREAT....err...The only pair I had.

I then went back to Camp Doha.

These two pictures, I took when I went off base. The bathroom, I did use. IT was as you can see so disgusting, I had to take a picture. I almost peed in the sink. But I popped a sqaut and got out of there. EWWW YUCK... NEVER AGAIN.

OK, a bunch of random pictures of Camp Doha and our swimming pool..

Our swimming pool.

My Building was on the left. Seans was on the right.

These four stacks billowed smoke.. I wonder why I have breathing problems....

The front of the Pool.

The Boys Golfing at the pool. (seans pic...NOT mine.)

These are my words

and no body elses and I am perfectly fine with that. I am COMPLETELY comfortable with who I am and just because I don't always express myself, that is ok. I do not believe in taking other poeple down with me, i.e. tattling on others. How can I expect my children not to act childish, if that is what I am doing. I think playing mind games is ridiculous. If you have something to say, say it. Don't beat around a bush to say something. SAY IT AND GET OVER IT. What is the point to dwell on issues that you can't control. Life is WAY to short to let things bother you. Most of the time, it was intended to get under your skin if you let it, then they win. Why play the game?
Letting go is probably the hardest thing that I have to do. I don't do it very well, but no one is perfect. I wish that poeple could live up to a higher expectation, but I need to realize that some poeple can't have expectations. If you give those people that much, you most likely will be disappointed. NO, I know you can be disappointed.
So where does that leave me? With my family. I am here with my Husband who I love so very very much. I know that he isn't perfect and at times I get a little disappointed or frusteraited, but We are able to do something that A LOT of poeple don't. COMMUNICATE.
Jen has been known to say, "God gave you words.." By talking though problems you will avoid so much heart ache and pain.
I hope that I will be able to grow from my childhood and continue to positively communicate with my family. Yelling, Screaming and just being RUDE does not get you anywhere, anyone who grew up under the same house I did, should know that. I am not saying that I am perfect by any means. I have so much to work on. These are just my words....

Dr. Appointment for Vincent

We took him in today becuase his "achne" was REALLY bad. Well, it's because he doesn't have achne. Appearently there is a rash that some babies can get and he got it. So six weeks and it should be gone. Inaddition to that, she told us to get selson blue for the cradle cap. She said that the oil we have been using will help maintan the flakes, but it won't get ride of the fungus. That is gross to think my son has a fungus on his head. A couple of treatments with the selson blue and it should be gone.
Weight gain is INCREDIBLE. Dr. Sherman said on average b.f. babies gain 1/2oz a day. Not my chubalub. He has gained almost 1 oz a day for two weeks. So he is tipping the scale at 11.14 pounds and is only 3w. I asked if he was gaining too much weight and she said a b.f baby can't gain to much weight, but a f.f. baby can.
I asked about the crib sleeping and she thought that was great. We don't need to keep our one month check up appointment unless we want to, but he will get his second HEPB shot at his two month.

Panic attacks

For a little over a week, I have been getting anxiety/panic attacks. It mostly happens when I am starting to nurse, but it also happens a few times throughout the day. I can't really explain the reason I am getting them. I have stress in my life, but we have money in the bank and our bills are caught up. Sean is working the week before Thanksgiving and then starting for reals Dec 1. I have had a problem with anxiety/ panic attacks in the past, but I haven't had an attack in over a year. I have my six week p.p. appointment coming in two weeks, so I will talk to the DR. then....It's weird.

Swing

The baby loves his swing. Sean put him in it today and he slept straight for almost three hours. It was so nice. I should of taken advantage of the time, but I didn't. There is a consignment store down the street that we are going to go to tomorrow to see if we can get a different swing. Vincents head flops all over the place and needs blankets. I called today and she has a boppi swing so we are going to look at it.

Aunt's Comment

My Aunt Debbie sent me a comment and it really put things in perspective for me. She said that a mother really does set the mood of the house.
Thinking back to when I was little, I remember when Grandma was happy, then everyone was happy. BUT, when she was in a bad mood, EVERYONE knew it. LOL. If she told me to clean my room and I wouldn't she would finaly go in there and clean it. But don't go in with her to clean it becuase it would just make her madder.
Looking at my relationship with Jade, I really am working hard on kindness. Which I don't know is the right word. I think that there is so much contention, that it is hard to get close to him. It is true, my attitude does have an overall effect on the afternoons and night times.
Sean was filling out employment applications last night, so I asked if he wanted me to tuck in Jade and he said yes, so I went in read him his story and tucked him in. I used to do this when Sean was gone, but since he has been home, he does it.
Last year, Jade would come home with an attitude, so I started to ask him, what went wrong in his day and why was he being mean to me? This usually help put things in perspective for the both of us. HE sometimes asked me, what went wrong in my day.
I understand the responsiblity that I have to raise Jade in a lovely, warm, comfortable home that he feels safe and secure. I am not perfect, but I am going to be putting an honest and true effort to make sure that our home is that home.

No Nap???

Yesterday Vincent and I got out of bed around 11 and played for a while, my R.S President and Secretary came over at 1 left around 2. Jade got home at 3 and we went to the library. Before we went to the library, I put the baby to sleep and left him with a sleeping dad. We were only gone for half an hour and baby was wake when we got home. Vincent was really fussy because he was so tired, I decided to go to the store and maybe the car would calm him down. The car ride home did, but short short lived.
He fell asleep at 7 and I put him in my bed. At 8 he was awake again. I decided to try something new, I went into his room, rocked him and nursed him (not the new part) and I laid him in his crib. We hooked up the monitors and I went to sleep leaving sean awake. I woke up at 1 am and checked on baby and he was STILL sleeping. So I woke him up, feed him and put him back.
I was so lonely in bed. I listened to the monitor just waitting. I woke up SEVERAL times to see if he was breathing. At one pointe, I was so tired I turned his monitor off because I thought my body pillow was him.....hmm.. I woke up and was like what am I doing? It then was 4 am and he was STILL sleeping. SO, I woke him up feed him and hung out in our bed til 6.
I think he is going through a growth spert, becuase he just wants to nurse and be cuddled. I thought my milk was gone all day yesterday because he had been nursing continuely all day. But everything is fine.
I am not sure if we will continue the crib, but he slept really good and seems to be really alert this morning.

Achne and cradle cap

Yesterday Vincent woke up with a face,ears, and back with achne all over. Then I was rubbing his head and felt cunky stuff. He has cradle cap also. My baby looks really dirty. So last night I put olive oil on his little head and let it sit and then gave him a good soke. Today his face is just as bad becuase all the little pimples are coming to heads, but his cradle cap is a lot better. So, tomorrow night I will do the oil again. (I read that it helps...and it seems to be)

Photobucket Album

Happy Halloween!

Vincents first Halloween he was a peapod. The costume was a 0-9 month and the body was almost too small. Vincent is a little porker. I love it. In the morning went to Jades school and watched his parade and then helped with his party. Some of the moms from last year had no idea I was pregnant and was surprised I just had the baby. Which is funny because I went to the Zoo with most of them in June.

After school, we went to the mall. Of course Vincent slept the entire time. He woke up when we stopped by the bank to see the ladies. After we got home Daddy packed, we ate dinner and had our first and only knock at the door.

All in all, not to eventfull, but we made the best of it. Next year will be a lot of fun, since he will be walking.